Why You'd Never Survive Life During The Crusades

Let's say you embark on the First Crusade in 1096. The pope has promised that if you die in combat, all your sins will be forgiven and you'll go to heaven. If you're a knight, that's extremely convenient because you also fight in non-holy wars, which are considered "sinful." Plus, if you don't fight, you'll be branded a chicken.

If you're a peasant, all that talk about chicken would be maddening because you don't want to go to hell for eating a Kentucky Fried Crusader, but you're just so hungry. Per National Geographic, famine had ravaged France over the previous century, killing thousands of peasants and forcing many to resort to cannibalism. "The first crusaders were actually undisciplined hordes of French and German peasants," according to History, and Turkish forces decimated them. A second, more successful group of crusaders also struggled with hunger. As the Telegraph detailed, 4,500 knights were joined by 35,000 people fleeing famine and poverty. Many "marched barefoot" and weaponless.

It would take three years to reach Jerusalem, and if you didn't die on the way, you'd live on a less-than-savory diet of plant roots and the roasted flesh of your enemies. Numerous eyewitness accounts from the siege of Ma'arra described crusaders engaging in "aggressive cannibalism," placing dismembered enemies on spits in plain view. So if you're a Muslim in this scenario, you're dead meat and lunch meat.