Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul movie review (2017)
Of course, there’s an intentionally over-the-top quality to the comedy in both the movies and the source material. With their conspiratorial antics and minimalist sketches, Kinney’s books are about kids, for kids, in the most awkward and angst-ridden time in their young lives. (Although my son has read them all and loves them, even though he’s only 7. Maybe he’s planning early for the misery of puberty.)
“The Long Haul,” which returning director David Bowers co-wrote with Kinney himself (shockingly), jettisons everything that’s honest and worthwhile about the books in favor of hackneyed misadventures and gross-out scatological humor. And that’s before the Heffley family inadvertently adopts a baby pig from a country fair.
It is a tried-and-true premise, the wacky family road trip, but “The Long Haul” breathes no new life into it. From weirdoes on the highways and woeful motels with empty pools to kitschy roadside attractions and calamitous off-road detours, you have seen this all before. Many, many times. This material had long seemed stale when the “Vacation” reboot came out in 2015. Bowers’ slapstick tone and frantic pacing strain desperately to create an escalating sense of giddy mayhem, but the result feels like a lot of wheel-spinning.
This time, the Heffleys pack up the minivan to celebrate their Meemaw’s 90th birthday, taking place somewhere in Indiana. Mom Susan (now played by Alicia Silverstone, who isn’t nearly nerdy enough) wants the family to bond, so she outlaws electronic devices and insists on card games and sing-alongs. (If you didn’t already have a powerful urge to run from the theater, the family’s totally sincere rendition of the Spice Girls’ “Wannabe” surely will provide the final push you need.)
But dad Frank (Tom Everett Scott) secretly still has work to do. The eponymous wimpy kid, Greg (a likable Jason Drucker), tries to sneak in time playing his favorite video game, Twisted Wizard, on his phone. And rocker older brother Rodrick (played as a much dimmer bulb by Charlie Wright) wants to bang his head to the music of his terrible metal band, Loded Diper. The youngest Heffley child, Manny (Dylan and Wyatt Walters), makes shrieky noises of his own every time his pacifier falls out of his mouth.
